Dad supports Marriage Equality!

So my parents came to visit me bc my dad had a meeting about an hour away. Mom drove down with him last night, and they drove here this afternoon. they brought a long about 15 lbs of fruit lol.

We went to a cajun restaurant downtown. pretty yummy. after, they asked if i needed any groceries, so i asked if we could make a trader joe's stop. got there, and i noticed a Equality California guy outside working hard to get signatures/donations. . Pretty cute, white, tall, and some thick black frame glasses like mine.

got some food, and as mom and i were waiting in line at the cashier, i noticed he was waiting outside talking to the guy. we finished paying and went out. i looked at the guy, he looked back, and we both smiled, and said hi.

trying to play dumb, as we walked away, i asked him what the guy was talking to him about. dad says, "oh he was just asking if i support same-sex marriage..."

and in my head, i was like "OH FUCK HERE IT COMES...", but asked calmly, "and what'd you say?"

but he said, in a cheery tone, "i told him, yeah sure why not."

I was so happy, it was really hard to contain it. but i said, "oh that's good."

i'm still 95% sure he think's i'm straight though. but compared to may of last year when the CA supreme ct legalized same sex marriage, this is a complete 180 turn for him. i'm so proud it's actually bringing tears of joy to my eyes lol. (god what a homo).

running a little short on time to write more, cuz frat boy is coming over soon. i told him my roommate left for a lab and invited him to come over. ^__^

elevators are good for more than going between floors!

Wednesday night, we made plans to have a late lunch on Thursday and meet up at the asian restaurant in town. I skipped my first class since school started in order to do some homework lol.

i got there a little early because I hate it when people have to wait for me. I wore my red chucks bc he mentioned he liked red and orange, so i wanted to impress (?) him.

He was a little late, coming from class. His hair was all bedheaded, undoubtedly from dozing off in class. I was playing with my iphone and pretended not to notice him until he was right in front of me. I looked up and we both smiled at each other. he was wearing a charcoal grey thermal, loose fitting grey jeans that sagged a little, revealing his white studded leather belt, and some olive green converses. so cute ^__^

I followed him in and we ordered our food. Sat by the window. I forgot what we talked about but the hour went by rather quick and we decided to go study a bit before departing for class. walked to the student resource building.

i suggested we take the elevator to the top floor bc i'm lazy. little did he know what i had in mind. we got in and he leaned against the wall. once the doors closed i mindlessly ravaged him. that elevator needs to be slower because the top floor (3 stories total) came all too quick. we stepped out and he whispered in my ear, "man i really wish i had a single room..." to which i smiled and responded that it was ok.

there were few empty spots, so we went to the outdoor balcony area which had a nice view of the campus. sat for a bit, and studied (barely). soon it was time to go. the sun was setting and we watched the shadows.

we packed up and i grabbed his side as we were walking down the empty hallway, and asked in a naughty tone, "wanna take the elevator again?" he quickly said yes.

stepped into the elevator and i wondered if i was showing too much physical interest. the doors closed, and i glanced at him. he had a shy smile, but reached out his arms, grabbed my hands, and pulled me in for a big wet one.

ground floor arrived all too quick, and we exited the building. stood there for a few seconds. i could tell he knew i wanted some sort of good bye, but a guy was walking in our direction and he whispered a sorry. i told him it was ok and waived. went to unlock my bike and watched him walk away. dunno if he always slouched, or if the goodbye made him a little guilty (?) and it showed in his body language. (maybe overanalyzing as usual).

that night, we made some plans to play tennis the next day (friday).

The next day arrived, and i was all anxious to play and spend some time with him. met up at the tennis courts, with barely anyone around and started rallying. he has a mean forehand and backhand backspin. but very inconsistent lol. overall though, we were about evenly matched.

sat down to take a 10 minute break and watched some nearby players. he wanted to play some matches, and i'm not the competitive type, so i half heartedly agreed. i think it was tied 1-1 and by then i was already kinda tired. pretty sure he let me win on purpose. not to mention it was hard to pay attention because his shorts were a bit low and his ass is quite nice.

after we finished playing, he asked what i wanted to do. and i was running out of ideas by this point. we could've just sat there doing nothing and i would have been fine with it. i think he would have been too, since it seeems he's been pretty happy with the things i've suggested so far.

we ended up parting ways because he had some stuff to do with his frat that night.

some concerns i have:
-his not being out. i'm not used to having to hide. but i understand where he is coming from. maybe if things go well for us, i can help him come out slowly. but he has to want to. i'm not gonna try and force him because i don't think that works too well. he doesn't seem ready at this point.

i can't help but wonder if he's interested in my because i'm a piece of ass, or if he's really genuinely interested in dating/a relationship. we've established he really likes me. (*note: i forgot to mention that before we got out of the truck on tuesday night, he said "i really really love you. i mean like."..... that shocked me and he apologized for the slip. i told him it was cute.) is he one of those who uses the L word with ease?

also, need some ideas for dates/going out. i already have: more late night beach strolls, billiards, ping pong, drawing, watching korean dramas (his favorite), anime/manga, board games, and playing some piano for him while he reads. preferably things that require little or no money - we are poor college students after all.

on and one more thing... questions to ask him! not generic ones. ones that provide insight into his personality would be good.

much love,
david

and we both leaned in...

[i wasn't gonna update for a couple days but since i'd rather blog than do hw, here it goes. PS: it might get a little graphic]


The first meeting of our lips was light and gentle. We pulled back a little to see each other's reactions. He was smiling as if it were Christmas morning. I grinned back.

He brought his left hand to my jaw/neck and ever so slightly brought my head to his. This time was more exploratory and lengthened. I don't think either of us breathed for a good 5 minutes. Damn, he's a good kisser - literally took my breath away.

After a couple more minutes of sitting awkwardly (which was straining my back, and probably his too), he shifted his weight and placed his hand on my chest and slowly pushed me, our lips locked, onto my back, with his other hand behind my head as to not let sand get in my hair.

His warmth was a nice shield from the cold, and I felt a hand slip under my shirt and up my torso. so gentle and electrifying it was.

After what seemed like an hour (but probably closer to 15 minutes), I pushed him off, rolled him onto his back and got on top. He looked relaxed, but his eyes were smiling, as mine were too.

We kissed some more. I felt the warmth of his body with my hands. Soon it was getting time for him to go back to campus for a meeting. We got up, and as he was collecting his belongings from the sand, I approached him, and gave him a big hug and kiss.

We walked towards his truck, arms around each other, and I couldn't help but notice that our steps were in line yet again. (I know, reading into it too much)

The drive back, we talked, and held hands, and listened to music. Drove into the apt complex, and he said he'd contact me after his meeting.

About an hour and a half after, i got a text from him asking when we'd get to "hang out" again. I replied with, "Do you have plans for tomorrow night?" He said, "Not yet :)" I asked him to sign into AIM if he had a screen name because I realized I was running out of texts (explained to him the 200 texts/month thing). He signed on about 10 minutes later and imed me (with a screen name that has 'vodka' in it lol).

Earlier he had asked if there was a song/band i'd been listening to lately and I sent him "Wake Up" by The Arcade Fire. I mentioned the song was in the movie Where the Wild Things Are and how it was one of my favorite books as a child. I told him I'd been wanting to watch it ever since I saw the previews and he said we should watch it the next day.

So we made plans. He was gonna come pick me up after his class and go to the theater. We chatted until the late hours and called it a night.

The next day (tuesday, yesterday), We texted a little back and forth. I was waiting for my laundry to dry when he signed onto AIM at 4. Just checking to see if we were still up for the movie. Made the final details and I told him he could see my room if he wanted (because his favorite colors are orange and red, and my bedsheets and Hindu tapestry both happen to be orange/red). He said he wouldn't be able to get there until a little after 7 so I said it was ok, next time.

At around 7 he calls to tell me he's on the way and I told him i'd meet him at the same spot he picked me up from the previous day. It took a couple minutes for me to do the finishing touches in myself (a half spritz of cologne and some face moisturizer) and I rushed out the door.

I got to near our meeting spot and spotted his truck just as he was calling me. Guess he saw me too bc he started it and drove over to me (about 200 yards away). I hopped in and gave him a quick peck on the lips and we were off to the movies.

We got there a couple minutes early, bought our tickets, went inside to a relatively empty theater with the entire back row empty. He asked where I wanted to sit, and I said with a grin "back row please." He grinned back.

We sat down, him on my right, and I held his hand. A few moments later, a couple walked towards the back and he let go of my hand and pulled up his shirt to cover his face a little. It was kinda weird. But I understood where he was coming from - didn't want to be seen by anyone he might know.

The lights turned down, and the previews started, and he relaxed a little. I found his arm and made my fingers walk down it to find his hand, he squeezed my hand, looked over at me and smiled. His hands are a little rough, but he's delicate with his touch.

Throughout the movie (which was really good) we'd play handsies and he eventually worked up the courage to put his left hand on my right leg and run it up and down my thigh, getting closer and closer to my crotch. By this point, it was really getting difficult to focus on the movie haha...

I rested my head on his shoulder and the movie soon finished. We waited around a few minutes to see if the couple would leave so we could have some hot make out session in the theater, but to no avail. We both got tired of waiting and decided to leave. We got in the truck and sat for a few seconds in silence. I looked around to make sure no one was around in the parking lot, and reached over, touched his cheek and leaned in for a kiss.

He asked if I'd rather drive around and find a spot for more privacy. I said sure. We drove up into the hills, and even though there were houses around, there were no street lights and the only source of light were the headlights from the truck. We eventually found a spot with a nice view of campus. He parked, shut off the engine, and put on some baby making music. Smooth move, bud.

I unbuckled my seat belt and moved over to the driver's side. He shifted so his back was resting on the door. I got on top of him and started grinding a little on him. It didn't take long for things to really heat up inside the cabin, and even with the windows rolled down it was getting crowded real quick. Some people walked by with their dogs and I'm pretty sure they saw us but didn't make a big deal out of it.

I moved back, he intently watched me with curiosity, asked what was wrong, and i said it was getting hot. My plaid shirt was getting too restraining and I pried it off in two smooth tugs and was soon back in business. He started unbuttoning my jeans, but I stopped him and told him I wanted to wait a little until we went all the way.

The crampiness was sorta getting to me so I asked if we could go to the back of his truck. I think it was getting to him too because he quickly agreed. His truck bed has a cover (not camper), kinda like a trunk. He lifted it and apologized for the mess back there. He spread out a blanket and sleeping bag (from a previous guy??), and said "after you." I climbed in, kicked off my flipflops, and laid down. it was comfortable and kinda romantic, with nothing but the stars in the sky (Orion seemed to be smiling down, with his belt shining brightly).

He crawled in on top of me and resumed the face sucking. He was supporting himself with his arms, trying not to crush me, but i told him it was ok. He asked if I was sure and that he was heavier than me and didn't want to crush me. I told him it'd be fine, and he did. He was right about being heavy, but it didn't hurt. Like a big warm blanket. He kissed my neck and lifted my shirt up and moved lower and lower...

After a few minutes, I pulled back, and said in a naughty tone, "My turn!" and rolled him onto his back. Did a lot of teasing and whatnot and got to my destination. Pen Island. lolol.

Hot damn, he was big, and thick, and cut. Supple balls too... I had my fun down there, didn't go so far as to make him cum, but just enough to have him coming back for more. Basically, I blue balled him...

We just cuddled for awhile and talked. I asked what was holding him back from coming out to his frat brothers, and he said he didn't know. He thinks they'd be fine with it, so hopefully if things go well, he can be a little more open. He wants to stay on the the down-low and discreet in the mean time though.

At around midnight, we headed back to campus and he dropped me off at my apt. I asked if he wanted to come in for a bit, but he said he had some work to do. I was like, "aww ok, but if you want to see where my apt is, feel free to park."

He parked and we got off, and walked towards my apt. We stopped at the window, and noticed the other two were home. I turned to him, thanked him for the wonderful evening, and didn't know whether I should hug him or something.

I made a half step towards him and sorta stuck my arms out to see if he would reciprocate. He smiled and grabbed my lower back and pulled me in and kissed. Ballsy, if you ask me.

We hugged, said goodnight, and he was off.

tongue tacos?!?

On Friday evening, I posted a new ad on Craigslist, and in the post I put "looking for friends first, possibly more later" sort of stuff.

Got several emails.. some hotties whom I responded to but they never responded.

Then, come early Sunday morning (around 1am), I get am email from a guy saying he's asian, masculine/straight acting, 20, 5'9, 170lbs. i'm thinking ok... this might be good.

so i reply with a face pic, and he sends one back. he's a cutie. we email back and forth a little more and he eventually gives me his phone number. he wanted to hang out that night, but as my luck (aka procrastination) would have it, i had a 6 page draft and calc hw due the next day.

we made plans to hang out the next day though (monday). so come time to our pre-arranged hang out, he calls and says he's on the way. i walk out to the apt parking lot entrance and he's just pulling in.

in a white chevy pickup. hot. i wave and smile and run up to the car, and get in. he smiles (cute) and we shake hands, and he asks if i'm hungry. i reply, "starving". he says he knows a place downtown, hole in the wall, great tacos. so we get on the freeway. lots of small talk, but i can tell he seems like a nice guy.

we get there and get off the car, walking alongside each other (in-step too, i notice). skater/surfer looking type, jeans sagging slightly and revealing grey.. undergarments. soon we arrive at the little family owned place and the menu is very simple. tacos. your choice of beef, marinated pork, tongue, lip, cheek, and eye. i kid you not.

i look at him and ask, very amused, "eye?" he laughs and says it's really good and you can't tell it's eye. i decided to play it safe and get one beef, one pork, and one tongue. the food is ready the instant i pay and it looks delicious. less than a buck-fifty each too. it tasted amazing too.

we sit across from each other. he eats fast. and by the time he's done, i'm just starting on my third (the tongue one). he watches me intently as i savor the last bite.

i finish and we let it settle for a minute or so, and just talk about random shit. which is good. the silences aren't awkward (or at least i didn't think so). and he asks if i'd like to walk around downtown. we get some yogurtland (both of ours came within 5 cents of each other - maybe i'm reading too much into it. i probably am).

so we walk around for a good hour, hop into the apple store and play around with te computers together for a bit. the apple store always seems like a good idea to go into, but it's always the same. at one point he went to another table and was just at the right angle, kinda bent over so i could make out his shapely glutes. kinda hot.

i ask if he likes the beach and he said he's never been to the ones downtown, so i suggest we check it out. we end up going to the one next to the wharf and walk along the moonlight in the dark. all the while, my heart is beating so fast because it feels so romantic.

we pass by a skatepark (and jump around the poles and bowls a bit) and walk towards the water. it's getting chilly and my hands are cold (silly me forgot to bring a jacket and all i had was a plaid shirt). he asks if i'd like to sit on the sand and just talk for a bit. i say sure, and he finds a spot that's slightly elevated. good pick.

a good half hour went by, just us talking and looking at the stars. in my peripheral i can see him smiling at me, but i'm so fucking nervous still. i ask him what he's looking for, and he said that even though he's not out to his fraternity brothers (yes he's in a frat...) he'd like to date and see where things go. either he notices i'm shivering or he thinks it's also cold, causes him to ask if i'm cold. i say, yeah kinda, through clenched teeth. he scoots in so our shoulders are touching.

then he reaches and takes my hands into his hands and starts warming them up, in the most gentle way ever. even though i may have seemed calm and nonchalant about it, my heart was singing with joy at the moment.

i lean my head on his shoulders and we just talk some more, my hands in his.

i ask him if he's ever done anything with a guy, and he said yeah he's gone all the way. i'm kinda relieved he's not a 'noob'. i tell him that i'm not used to moving so quick, and he immediately starts apologizing and let my hands go.

i said, "oh it's ok. i'm enjoying this night." by the moonlight, i see him smile, and i smile, and we both lean in at the same time.

First time driving an Audi!

Last night, my roommates decided to play some beer pong. After the game, one of them (the only one with a car) was hungry and the other two were going out. He wanted to go to In N Out, but was pretty tipsy. So I offered to drive lol.

He drives an Audi A4 2.0T Quattro (like the one below, but in blue-ish gray)


He said, "Sure why not. I'm kinda tipsy right now anyway. But please don't hit anything."

I told him not to worry because in my 5 years of driving (I got my permit on my mom's birthday at 15.5), I've never hit anything or gotten into an accident. hahah.. that's one of the few things I can brag about!

He handed me the keys and we walked to the car. The led and xenon lights immediately turned on as I unlocked it. We got in, and I didn't know how to start it because it was remote (no actual key... oh cars these days...)

He told me to step on the brake and he pushed the start/stop button, and the car came to life. I adjust the seat and everything, and couldn't help but feel really excited at the prospect of driving my first Audi ever. Guess I'm still a kid at heart heheh.

Pulling out of the parking lot, I was real careful not to go over the speed bumps too quickly. We got on the freeway, and I kinda mashed the gas pedal. Shit, that turbo really does kick in, and I couldn't tell it was only a 2.0 liter 4 cylinder.

We got there, ordered the food, and ate as if it were our last meal. YUMM.

I thought my driving would have regressed, since I haven't driven in over a month, but it was all good. It kinda felt like a REALLY updated version of my 13 year old VW.

The Audi had a nice road feel to it, and the handling is pretty damn good, especially with the quattro 4wd - I went through a yellow light left turn at around 35 haha. Roomie screamed, "OH GOD NEED THE OH SHIT HANDLES" as he gripped the handle things.

Good times. I hope he lets me drive more often .

waiting for class to start (and stalking)

so i'm sitting here waiting for my french lit class to start. and of course i'm on the lookout for that blond (actually it's light brown) hottie, aka my future husband/lover.

oh there he is... strutting in with his tight black tank top and white cargos, skin glistening, muscles rippling through the cloth, a vein in each of his biceps just begging to be traced with my tongue. and such beautiful eyes and smile.

he sits down next to his girlfriend/friend/hag(?) and they immediately start chatting away. "about what?" i wonder. oh my god he is so hot. i'd have his babies.

[HAHAHAH I'M NOT OBSESSEDDD!!} xP

aside from looking forward to seeing the guy every class meeting, who probably doesn't know i exist, i have a calculus midterm tomorrow. feeling better about it than the last one, so it should be ok.

after the midterm, i'm hitching a ride home with a friend. so excited, because halloween where we moved to is insane. there's this one street that always does something and has awesome decorations.

but i also have a shitload of research to do for me writing class. i'm gonna be researching and writing about happiness and food. we're supposed to come up with a proposal and shit. so that's gonna be my weekend, in a nutshell. my parents sound excited to see me lol.

talking about guys again - eye candy in class

i don't know what it is, but lately i can't help but stare at the hot guys in my classes. usually i can focus on class, but here it's like some switch turned off and it's like i've got eye candy ADD now.

in my calc class, there are 4 guys i routinely notice on accident. one asian guy, one black guy, one latino guy, and one white guy.

-the asian one is kinda short and slim, but really cute face and he dresses nice. not sure if he's gay but his name is also david. we're in the same tutorial group, but haven't really talked much.

-the black guy is toned, and very gay (as in eyebrows done, lisps) and we've caugh each other's gazes a few times already. every time he sees me it's like he changes from semi-gay to super-gay. kinda weird. his way of letting me know he swings this way?

-the latino guy has that mysterious appeal to him - 5 oclock shadow in the morning, deep pretty eyes. and he carries a messenger bag and hair all done neatly.

-the white guy usually comes to class late and sites near me on the ground (the lecture has 850+ people). us usually brings a rugby ball with him and wears athletic shorts, which fall up when he sits with his knees up, revealing amazing legs and thighs. and he doesn't care to cover them. which is bad cuz they're so muscular and have a fine layer of hair.

in my french literature class (boring as hell but i love the french lady professor! she is hilarious and soo french), there is this tall, curly haired, athletic, handsome blond. one day he and his girlfriend/friend/fag hag (hopefully) volunteered to read part of a play in class. smooth medium pitched voice, and nice arms. seems funny and down to earth. definitely the type of guy i would date.

also, i've been browsing craigslist personals for a couple weeks now and even posted one (not hookup, but strictly platonic). got a quite a few replies but they're kinda meh. i actually emailed with one and we exchanged pictures but stopped emailing after that. he said he's really into asians "especially cute ones with a nice smile like yours". i don't know how to take a compliment like that so i just run away. but today as i was having lunch with a friend who also happens to be asian and a homo (though more flaming than i), the guy walked by and looked at me for awhile. it was kinda creepy. i told the friend about him and he shuddered. moving down here has made me realize how shallow i can get. i used to think i wasn't, but facing the truth now, it's kinda disappointing. or maybe it's just that the number of good looking people here has turned me that way? who knows.

anyway, craigslist doesn't really seem to offer more than hookups (and don't get me wrong, there are a TON of hotties looking for a quick fuck session). if i were more daring i'd definitely be up on some of that. but since i'm not exactly looking to hookup with a stranger, darn.

any suggestions on how to meet some regular car-loving, sports-playing, rock music-listening guys? i've met plenty of guys in the queer groups on campus, but they're not my cuppa tea. most of them are flamers, which is fine btw, just not into those guys.

i would like to meet someone at the market, like if we both grab the same item at the same time and our hands touch; or in a park where our dogs wander over to each other and start playing; or in a park in paris where we're sitting on the same bench and he notices a book i'm reading.

something cheesy like that.

sigh, back to simultaneous hw and craigslist browsing, but i don't think he'll be there.

my dream guy

i just realized i've never really thought about what type my dream guy is. and since today was really unproductive, i might as well spend time blogging when i should be starting my essay due tuesday. here goes...

---these are all preferences of course--- a guy with a combination of these would be great. i'm just making this list to see for myself what i'm looking for. i may be idealistic, but i'm also realistic, if that makes sense...

-good looking, not necessarily model like, but a nice smile, good skin, and pretty eyes are a good start
-preferably my height (5'10") or taller (but not by more than 3 inches)
-in shape
-ethnicity doesn't really matter, but asian, white, or black (or a mix is even better)
-20 to 24 years old (for now)
-passionate, sensitive
-considerate
-funny
-down to earth, easy-going
-hardworking
-calm
-adventurous
-forgiving
-intelligent, street smart
-handy
-strong
-cooks well
-sings and/or dances
-plays an instrument
-likes "manly things" like cars, sports, action movies, and power tools
-likes "girly things" like fashion, shopping, and chick flicks
-takes care of himself mentally and physically
-thinks appearance is important and makes an effort to look good
-open-minded
-loving
-humble
-honest
-stable (mentally and financially)
-logical
-fun
-romantic
-flexible
-problem solver
-clean, not necessarily neat freak
-close to family
... did i miss anything? XD

ok so that's my list for now lol. no idea if he's out there, but i can hope right? mom and i had a deep talk last night. i told her i've been feeling kinda lonely and she said not to worry because when she was my age she felt the same, up until she met my dad when she was 28.

what about you guys? whoever reads this, share your thoughts, and what you'd like in your perfect man :)

almost got mugged (as a joke?)

as i was walking back from class today (thankfully, it stopped raining), peacefully listening to music minding my own business, some guy runs up behind me and taps me on the shoulder. i'll call him greasy faced fuck. anyway, greasy faced fuck starts badgering me with questions like "where do you live? what's your name? do you live in ________ apartments?" immediately i get suspicious and say, "i don't know you so go away."

and greasy faced fuck said (with a creepy smile on his face), "i want all your money and posessions and laptop." i was like, "i don't have anything on me." and started walking faster and onto the bike path. he kept following me. i was carrying my maroon umbrella and finally i stopped, turned around, raised my umbrella and yelled as loud as i could in his face, "YOU BETTER LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!" he walked passed me and into some apartments hallway. no one was nearby to witness what happened.

i'm safe and nothing bad happened, except for my faith in humanity. what kind of sicko finds pleasure in freaking people out like that? and i'm kinda sure he wasn't really gonna mug me but rather, he was probably testing my limit. i know, 40 bucks and an iphone isn't worth throwing my life away for (just in case he had a weapon). but it's the principle. don't take what IS NOT YOURS.

it took me awhile to calm down and i practically ran back to my apartment all sweaty and pissy. but then a friend sent a cute video of pomeranian puppies playing with tennis balls and all was better in the world of david.

last few weeks, spending money, roommates, mothers, and a happening weekend/monday for the lgbt community!

well it's been awhile since my last post, so i guess it's time for a new one.

i'm kinda homesick. it's not unbearable but i really miss home. i've talked to my parents every night this past 3 weeks since moving in, and my brother twice a week. i think distance has something to do with it because my previous school was less than a 2 hour drive from home, but now i'm more than double that time away.

the previous two weekends though, i did get to go to LA to visit some friends so that was nice.

i've been spending a lot of money lately too... after reading about how some nalgene bottles (including mine) can leach chemicals into the water after half a year (i've had mine for a year), i decided to get rid of it and buy a nice white 1 liter sigg bottle on amazon. and a new digital camera because my old one has been having problems and doesn't take clear pictures anymore. in fact they're all quite blurry... but i'm looking forward to the new camera

ok now i'm all over the place. dunno what to write about anymore.

i guess writing about guys is always fun lol. anyway, there are so many hotties here. it's kinda overwhelming. a couple of the friends i've made in the queer group have both said that there are a lot of guys who aren't out (ie, of the masculine, straight-acting, sports-loving, beer-chugging type) but are into guys. apparently they are easy to meet at parties and if i in fact meet some, they will most likely have sex on their minds. cool. i'd like that, but i would also like an actual relationship. unfortunately, one of them said not to expect a boyfriend here because they all want sex. sigh. but maybe i'll meet someone who's hot, smart, funny, sensitive, and looking for a relationship. i should stop fantasizing huh?

speaking of guys, i actually posted an ad on craigslist saying i was looking for friends, and possibly more. i've met a couple nice guys, but out of the 25 or so responses, most of them want to hook up. hello? did you not read the who ad? i specifically said "looking for friends." and i didn't find any of them attractive either. but that's the shallow part of me talking. maybe if a hot one comes a long i'll think about it.

yesterday was coming out day and i was planning on coming out to my roommates, but i figured it would just happen naturally eventually, so i decided not to do it. plus, i don't need some destined coming out day to come out. i'm all for it, but i'll do it on my own time. we've had a lot of good laughs. it's usually the half white - half filipino one who's mom passed away when he was in high school who's cracking jokes and being silly. now i can't say that i feel his pain, because my parents are still alive and well, but i really sympathize (maybe not the right word) with him. in my life, i know quite a few people whose mothers passed away when they were really young so it's not a new concept to me. now, i know they just wanted to be treated normally. i can't imagine what it must have felt like to lose a parent at such a young age. which brings me to two more topics...

1. "your mom" jokes. they are really not funny. i don't understand why people think they're funny. what's so funny about insulting or making fun of someone else's mom? especially if someone don't know the person very well, and if their mother has already passed on. i mean, that can not possibly be funny.

2. people who talk to their parents like shit. my roommate is one of these. every time he talks to his mom or dad on the phone, it starts out quite tense and escalates to him full on yelling. and the tone is always "spoiled kid." i'm sure you know what i mean. whiny, manipulative, and aggressive. i'll admit that i had/have my days when mom just drove me crazy, but those days are long passed. now i can't imagine screaming at my parents for some silly little detail. and i remember when i was little i used to once in awhile. but now that i've found out my roommate is one of those kids, it has made me disgusted to know that i was like that before. granted, there are some terrible parents out there but many of them do love their children.

anyway that is just the summary of what i've been thinking about a lot lately.

this weekend was the national equality march in Washington DC. A few weeks ago, i turned in an application to attend this march, and was actually selected to go on an all-paid-for trip by the associated students, but i had a midterm on friday so i had to forfeit this once in a lifetime experience. but i think the spot went to someone else so that's good. also, schwarzenegger finally signed the bill to approve May 22nd Harvey Milk Day in California. Now that is breakthrough.

ok now i really have to go to some readings and catch up before i sink any deeper into school work. and to think this is only 12 units worth of work? oh boy...

biking to and from class multiple times a day has its advantages

i'm getting slimmer. yayyy!

classes are challenging, but i think i'll be ok.

miss homecooked meals.

it seems like the guys get hotter and hotter every day! oh lord.

that is all.

first day of classes at a new school

rather boring... didn't do much, but i'm sure things will soon kick into gear.

calculus is gonna fuck me over like none other. and not in the good way.

on my way back to the apt from class, i almost got into a bike accident. twice. both times were girls riding towards me quite unsteadily. i slowed down and they veered right in front of me. i slammed the brakes and caused my tires to squeal lol. that shit was scary.

i didn't realize how big this school is. i've gotten so used to the size of my high school (about 900) and previous college (about 1800 my first year and 2400 my second) that i took for granted seeing people i know on the way to/from class. i really miss that.

these past few days i've been wondering if i even made the right decision to transfer here. i mean i love the weather and there are beautiful people everywhere, and i'm less than a mile from the beach, but i feel so alone. and frankly, it sucks.

i miss my family, my friends, and even my mom's nagging. i know this feeling is probably only temporary for the first couple weeks (at most), but i do feel a sense of regret (if that's the right word) for coming here. but i'll probably be alright by next week.

just gotta keep myself busy. i plan on being an active member in the queer community here. the first meeting is next thursday. and i started looking at some study abroad programs (mainly france and taiwan) for winter and spring quarters. i also wouldn't mind a boyfriend. yeah. and every day i see so much eye candy, it drives me kinda crazy. you can look, but you can't touch i guess haha. unless they're drunk and willing ;)

anywho, i should get a head start (or more like refresh my memory) on calculus. that shit's gonna be the death of me. that, or a bike accident.

last day of my 4 month long summer

well as the title says, today is the last day of my 4 month long summer. so sad.

a recap of the last few days...

saturday, my parents and i left home at 10 am. i had originally planned to take my car to school and see my brother at his school on the way down south, but as i wrote about last friday, my plans were foiled by mom. she said she would drive partially. we got on the 880 and were on our way. but somewhere along the way, we missed the on ramp for 101 south. by the time we noticed, we were going in the direction of my brother's school. we figured we might as well visit him since i didn't get a proper goodbye. called him and said we were half an hour away. arrived at his dorm and took some family pictures. about an hour later, we left and were on our way. the first hour, there was traffic all the way to monterey, and we were short on time. but we finally arrived at my university owned apartment complex 10 minutes before they were gonna stop checking residents in. phew. after unpacking and meeting the apt mates, we went out to have dinner at a local pizza place. pretty yummy. after dinner, they took me to trader joe's to get some food for the week. came back to the apt and said our farewells. it was a long day, so i slept well.

sunday, the apt-mates and i waited for my roommate to arrive, but by noon we grew restless and decided to pick up a tv from someone on craigslist. got back to the apt and my roommate had already arrived and was about done unpacking. pretty uneventful the rest of the day. oh yeah, we went to kmart. i got body spray deodorant, toothpaste, and a bright yellow tshirt with my school letters on it.

monday, got up around 9 and we decided to explore campus and take care of any things we still had to go. we all went to get a sticker bus pass, and i went to talk to the academic advisor. the latter didn't really help because i only got partial completion of GE's at my previous school, so i still have to complete this school's GE's. damnit. and i also purchased a black beach cruiser single speed bike. 130 bucks well spent i think. kinda inexpensively made, but it should last at least a year or so.

tuesday, i went to pick up some of my textbooks (calc and "western love" classes). the total of all my books this quarter will come out to about 150 bucks. not bad for three classes i guess. but damn, i know there are people who have to get like $500+ worth of books every quarter. at the bookstore, i bumped into one of the guys i met at the sexual diversity center back in may. he didn't remember me at first, but after i reminded him, he remembered. he told me about a pizza getogether that the queer student union was putting together later that afternoon. i said i would see him there. came back to the apt and rested for a couple hours. at 4, i hopped on my beach cruiser and made my way to campus. one way, the bike ride takes about 8-10 minutes (or about 3 times the time that it took from my old dorm to class on bike. meh, at least i'm getting plenty of exercise right?) got to the multicultural center and was one of the first people there. gradually, more and more people came in (i think there were about 200 people total) and cramped into a small lounge. i met two really cute white guys (the frat/surfer type). they didn't look gay, but certainly sounded like it. i think the girls outnumbered guys by about 3-2. the pizza was good, and everyone was having a good time. i picked up two applications: one for the national equality march in DC happening next month (everything paid for i believe.. hope i get to go!) and a "Big Queer/Little Queer" application (mentor/mentee type of program). eventually, people had to go and we all dispersed. just in time for me to get back to the apt and go to the welcome pizza party. lol more pizza. that was rather boring, but in our own "village" there are about 200-300 people. and quite a few hotties, i'd say. i spotted another gaysian (whom i later saw walking out of his apt the next building over, he lives right under the girl who's good friends from back home with one of my apt mates). not exactly cute or my type, but i could definitely use a friend/ally around here. not that my roommates are homophobic or anything.

ok so i have 3 other roommates (i shall name them: norcal, socal, and OC). among the other two who live in the same room, one is from northern california, from a small town, and the other is from so cal. the norcal one is pretty funny and really likes the castro (yes, the gayborhood of san francisco). and he's straight and has a gf. the socal one, asian, seems really chill and enjoys some cannibis here and there. on facebook, they are both in more than one pro-gay rights/anti-prop 8 groups. so that's reassuring. my roommate is from the OC (orange county) and he seems alright. we don't talk much, but that's ok. as long as we respect each other's privacy and space. anyway, yesterday before the pizza party back at the apt complex, the norcal one went to pick up his friend who lives above other gaysian. socal roommate asked how my meeting was and what was it for. i said it was good, there was pizza, and it was for the queer student union.

he said, "what? christian student union?" i think he was surprised because i usually wear a necklace with a small buddha. not wanting to lie or anything, i said, "no, the queer student union." and he and OC roommate were both like "OOH!! ok....."

there was an awkward silence as we were waiting for norcal roommate to return, so i said, "guys i might as well tell you all now, but let's wait until [norcal roommate] returns..." he came back and immediately started goofing around, dancing and singing (very free-spirited guy). so i was like uh nevermind.

but i think they know, or at least have a hint that i went to a QUEER student meeting. but none of them has brought it up since then, so maybe it's not a big deal. it's certainly not a big deal to me whether they know or not, but just to clear up and possible future confusion, i thought i should tell them early in the year. i'm sure it'll come up again in no time anyway.

also, been browsing craigslist's "men seeking men" section here. there are quite a few guys here who are masculine/discreet/curious. i am so tempted. and they are so hot. but i don't want to get an STD or what if it's a joke to get a gay and beat him up!? :(

need advice... mother issues

a few days ago my parents agreed i could take my car to school with one exception: that i keep good grades. ok, fair enough.

today, the day before i have planned to move, mom starts asking me why i need a car and all these questions that i knew she was gonna eventually ask. she doesn't want me to have a car. period.

she said i should wait after the first term and see if i really need one. this exact same thing has happened multiple times ever since i started college.

she's worried that the car will have problems at school. ok... i'll take it to the mechanic. she's worried it will distract me from studying, but she forgets that i'm responsible and hard working.

needless to say, the conversation got more heated (happens every time). i just stopped talking because i would have said something that i'd regret later. but she kept yelling and making me feel guilty. so i said, "mom what you're saying is not helping and getting all pissed off, so can we just chill?"

apparently she didn't like that, left, and slammed the door.

so yeah, i'm in a big shit hole right now.

i understand she's worried, and it's normal for parents to feel that way. but is it necessary to make it such a big deal?

from my (rather selfish) point of view, i think it should be ok for me to have a car my third year in college. i've worked hard the last two years and my gpa shows it. i took a full load with 3 upper division classes last term and worked. i help out around the house. but maybe that is expected of me and i don't deserve shit.

any suggestions/advice/opinions appreciated. i just feel like shit right now and it's too bad. i don't want to "end" on bad terms with my mom, whom i feel is more like a friend than parent, but this is ridiculous.


------EDIT-------

my parents are driving me down in the morning. and that's final -_-

at least until thanksgiving when i have good grades to show them, my dad said then i can have the car.

homewrecker (graphic-ish)

freshman year, second semester 08 around february, i met D (i've written about him before). he tried to mess around with me once but back then i was barely out (he was actually the first person i came out to). after he left for ucla, we kept in touch and often chatted online. i went to visit him back in may when i was looking at ucsd and ucsb.

this week he happened to be visiting friends in SF so last night we planned to meet up in berkeley. we met up at around 3 and came back to my place.

the family was out - my brother just moved into college this morning (more on that later) - so i invited him in. we sat around and talked for awhile. stalked some people on facebook. at one point he brushed the hair out of my eyes and put his head on my shoulder. it was sweet.

i knew he wanted to mess around, even though he has a boyfriend, whom apparently doesn't care if he messes around...? he says his bf is stupid and doesn't satisfy his (D's) needs.

anyway he was quite persistent, and i didn't want to be a homewrecker, but i mean holy shit he's so hot. over the last year or so he's been working out and it shows. so i gave in. we felt each other up... all that good stuff.

eventually we decided to just go to the bathroom and jack each other off. he's pretty big for an asian too. 6" uncut and thick. about my height (5'10") and tanned. we did our business, cleaned up, and walked down to the Cal campus.

ever since we met i've felt a connection with him, unspoken, but surely there. we talk pretty much about everything and we're astrologically compatible (he's a taurus, i'm a pisces).

i don't want to look too much into this cuz i'm about to start school anyway, but it'll be interesting to see what happens.

next topic: brother moved into college.

so the last few days my brother hadn't been getting ready for school. last night he was still sitting around playing games and not packing and he had to leave this morning. we all went to bed late (2am) and he had to get up at 7. he got up and was going crazy because he had so much stuff to pack. i woke up from the noise and said some smart-ass remark along the lines of "see if you had taken my suggestion you wouldn't be having this problem".

my parents were gonna take him to his school (1.5 hours away) and he was gonna come back in case he left anything at home and go back tomorrow with his friend who's also going to the same school. but i guess what i said made him change his mind. so when i woke up at around 10 his computer was gone (good sign that he wasn't coming back), and his toothbrush was gone (even more accurate sign)...

so i called mom and she said he decided to just stay there.

it really made me feel like shit knowing that the last sentence i said to him was not nice. at all.

on the plus side, i'm allowed to drive down to sb by myself to move in (partially for the convenience so my parents don't have to make the 5.5 hour drive with me). but i called my brother earlier asking if i could stop by his school on my way south. so that is the tentative plan. i'm gonna drive to see him saturday morning and then make my way down to the "american riviera".

ok this post was pretty all over the place... just had to get everything out in like 6 minutes lol.

now back to packing, lots to do my last day here.

Hey cutie let me help you with that...

While waiting for the rest of my family to get ready to go out, I was sitting in the car and a cute, slim, tall, brown haired frat boy walks out the door with a bag of trash. Dressed in a blue tee and grey sweats, I couldn't help but stare at his face, then his body, and then the outline of his cock showing through his sweats. What a pleasant sight indeed.

The car was parked right next to the dumpster so he walked over. Being the sick perv that I am, my eyes never left his crotch area. I am horrible. He looked in the dumpster, noticed it was full (probably from last nights party trash), muttered a swear word, and quickly crossed the street and threw the bag in our apt complex's dumpster. He jogged back and of course I enjoyed the site of his junk bouncing.

He got back to the front door of his frat house and much to his dismay it was locked. Karma sure has a way. He knocked and called his frat brother. While waiting, I had a clear view of his side. He lifted his shirt, showing some skin, and to my delight, stuck his left hand down his sweats! Was he aware I was watching him? If so, thanks for the show bro. After what seemed like a good 30 seconds of me watching him fondling himself he took out his hand as the door opened. His frat brother was hot too. I wonder what goes on in frat houses when there isn't a party or girls over. Maybe I should join one and find out!

I was in no way being discreet and I'm fairly certain he saw me checking him out. He's probably used to being drooled over anyway.

Hope this post didn't scare anyone lol. A little bit of staring never hurt anyone :D

"we can't match your boyfriend's wealth"

before i tell the story, here is some background info... two years ago before my freshman year at college, my parents bought me a new macbook. i hadn't had a job or really worked much in my life so i can say that i was pretty much a spoiled little bitch. really.

my brother is about to be a freshman in college and his current computer, which is 3+ years old, is slow, laggy, and quite out of date. when he graduated from high school my parents told him he could get a new computer for college. so he decided to get the new aluminum macbook.

fast forward about 3 months, and the apple special for college students to get a macbook for $1099 is ending on tuesday. for the last week or so my brother has been reminding my parents about the deadline and each time they just semi-respond or tell him they'll deal with it later.

this morning he started getting a little antsy, and i felt bad because i knew that i had gotten a brand new computer for college just two years ago. and i felt it was unfair if he didn't get the same. so i went to talk with my parents in the kitchen about what i thought and i guess my dad went to get the credit card, so my mom took the opportunity to say something that really hurt.

she said (in chinese), "you know, we aren't as wealthy as your [ex]boyfriend, and what with school tuition and property tax and your brother's wisdom teeth, it's gonna make a dent in our savings." i felt like she implied that i compare my ex's family's wealth to my family's. i told her that was false and asked how she could say that. and i left the kitchen to go for a walk outside.

what she said really hurt and i don't know why she even said it. i have never expressed any envy or remorse for being less wealthy than his family. sure his family is wealthy, but his parents only know how to love him and his sister by showering them with money. my parents, whom i'm thankful for, showed my brother and i a different kind of love, one that cannot be bought with money.

maybe she feels bad that they can't provide my brother and i with material things that our friends have, but in all honesty, i don't envy them. sure, it'd be nice to have my own room and bathroom, a nicer and newer car, and some fancier clothes, but, in the end, all that really matters is having a family there to support you.

the walk calmed me down a bit (not to mention, a really hot guy ran by shirtless - he totally saw me checking him out and smiled lol), and when i got back she apologized for the remark.

mini getaway break from home

since we moved into the new apt, it has been very stuffy (physically and mentally) living in a 1bd/1br place with 500 sq feet. this is not meant for 4 people. so i decided to make a trip to merced to visit my old school and see some friends.

i left wednesday around noon and got there at 2. along the way, i was averaging 28 mpg, which i have never seen from my car before. might have something to do with getting a tune up and new air/fuel filters. cool.

arrived at the ex's apt and he greeted me with a long, warm... hug. we hung out and talked for a while on the couch. then we decided to watch some desperate housewives. 5 minutes into the show, i caught him looking in my direction so i leaned in real close and smiled. and we kissed. for a long time. after what seemed like only seconds, but was really 30 minutes or so, we decided to get some lunch before he had class. we went to one of our favorite deli's called bishop's on the square, "one of the best in the central valley" and i believe it. i ordered a tri-tip sandwich with jus-de-porc and the ex got kobe beef sliders. DELICIOUS. plus i had a coupon for buy one lunch get one free so that was the cherry on top.

we got to school and while he was in class i hung out with some friends. also saw S and talked with him for a bit and made plans for the next day.

blah blah blah. i started this post at 9 and it's 1am now cuz i've been fooling around shopping for shit online. long story short, my trip was filled with sex, booze, and hugs.

spending the last few days staying with the ex made me realize how much i'm gonna miss him. i don't even remember a lot of the bad times we had anymore. last night after we finished our business we both realized that this would probably never happen again. and he's interested in another guy now so things will likely change.

c'est la vie.